Another Valentine's Day Shot (Right Through The Heart)

                                                     

 Well, here it is -- the one day of the year (maybe besides New Year's Eve) that those of the unattached demographic face with dread, if not downright terror. For while they absolutely know that everyone else is out having a good time, enjoying the companionship of someone close, and who knows, maybe even making a little whoopee, they're home reading their James Thurber or binge watching GAME OF THRONES for the 25th time.  

Ah, but is that how things really are?  If you were to look more closely at the situation, you might find that perhaps you're not missing out on such a good time after all; since like with any other shared experience you'd like to believe that everything would go perfectly on a night like this, in actuality there are any number of things that could happen to ruin that dream evening. And so, as a warning for both those of you who are longing to be out there partying -- and whoopeeing -- and those who actually are but may run into some unexpected obstacles, I present:

TOP 10 SIGNS YOU'RE HAVING A BAD ST. VALENTINE'S DAY

10.) While you're having a romantic candlelight dinner with your valentine, they get a text message saying that they've tested positive for the coronavirus

9.) The escort service you called for a date for this evening turns out to be a police sting operation

8.) Your blind date for the night looks like Mitch McConnell – but you figure what the hell, I'll take her out anyway

7.) On the way to the restaurant, your Uber driver starts making romantic passes at you

6.) The couple at the next table invites the two of you to come over and dine with them on lobster, filet mignon and French champagne to celebrate the night – then leaves you with the check

5.) While you're on the romantic moonlit cruise you booked for the evening, the boat's captain hands you a bucket and tells you to start bailing

4.) Your date asks you if you've ever enjoyed a “Whitman's Sampler” – and you see nary a box of candy anywhere

3.) You ordered a dozen roses online to be sent to your sweetie – what gets delivered is a dozen pictures of Rosie O'Donnell

2.) You're all set to spend another nice quiet Valentine's evening alone when your mother calls and asks if you have a date for tonight

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'RE HAVING A BAD ST. VALENTINE'S DAY...

You just found out you're going to be part of Donald Trump's St. Valentine's Day Massacre

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"Every weirdo in the world is on my wavelength."

-- Thomas Pynchon