Good-bye, Columbus

Yes, it's once again upon us -- the most controversial of holidays. Most businesses can't even decide whether or not to let their employees have the day off; but aside from that aspect, over the years, Columbus Day has seen a grey cloud overshadow it as we discover more about who the man was and how his voyages affected history.

However, we can still make the best of the day and enjoy what free time and/or leisure activities we can engage in -- except there are always those things that like any other holiday, can turn what you hope may be a positive experience into a dud.  So in order to  keep you on the lookout for such possibilities (and searching for land ahead so to speak), here are the...

TOP 10 SIGNS YOU'RE HAVING A BAD COLUMBUS DAY

10.) You just found out that $39 mattress you bought at the Columbus Day sale has a delivery charge of $80

9.) That Native American family who just moved in down the street give you suspiciously menacing smiles every time you walk by their house

8.) Your hard of hearing neighbor invites you to come over and binge watch a '70s detective series with him in honor of it being Columbo's Day

7.) You just heard that the city of Columbus, OH voted to change its name to Geronimo

6.) Your town's Columbus Day parade keeps being interrupted by the town's drunken Irish who are still celebrating “Halfway to St. Patrick's Day”

5.) Your wife decides to serve you a special dinner like the one Columbus and his crew must have had when they first landed: seaweed, turtle eggs and raw fish  

4.) Some guy just ran into your front yard, planted a flag and yelled "I claim this land for the King of Spain!"

3.) Your eight-year-old comes home from school and tells you the teacher told the class that when Columbus landed in the new world the first people he met were some old Jews living in Miami Beach

2.) It's 1492, you're living on an island in the Caribbean and you suddenly see three ships approaching -- Uh-oh!

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'RE HAVING A BAD COLUMBUS DAY...

You just realized there are only 70 more shopping days until Christmas – Gaaaah!

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"Every weirdo in the world is on my wavelength."

-- Thomas Pynchon