Donny, We Hardly Could Stand Ye

It's hard to believe, but it's only one day away now.  After four long years, what seems to be a nightmare for many of us is finally coming to an end, and Joe Biden and Kamala Harris will take their oaths of office tomorrow at noon.

But what about Donald? As he makes his last climb up the stairs aboard Air Force One (see photo), what does he have planned for his future now that he'll have a lot of time on his hands?  Oh sure, you'll probably say he'll be playing a lot of golf, traveling around the world or partying with porn stars and Scott Baio. But I happen to know via a reliable source (the assistant to the assistant to the pool boy at Mar a Lago) how he's really planning on using all that available life of leisure.  And so, as a public service, here are the ...

TOP 10 THINGS TRUMP MIGHT DECIDE TO DO NOW THAT HE'S OUT OF OFFICE

10.) Release his health care plan

9.) Buy Greenland (if the Russians will give him a loan)

8.) Join a 12-Step group: P***ygrabbers Anonymous

7.) Start a new business called “Pardons 'R' Us”

6.) Make a once a week visit to the Donald J. Trump Memorial KFC

5.) Try to find Eric an orthodontist and a girlfriend

4.) Claim Rudy Giuliani found millions of uncounted votes for him stashed in an adult bookstore in Philadelphia

3.) Make incessant phone calls to Joe Biden asking him if he'd like any advice on running the country

2.) Divorce Melania, marry Ivanka

AND THE NUMBER ONE THING TRUMP MIGHT DECIDE TO DO NOW THAT HE'S OUT OF OFFICE...

Take a part-time job working the assembly line at the My Pillow factory

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"Every weirdo in the world is on my wavelength."

-- Thomas Pynchon