Well, it's come around again -- the REAL start of summer. The day when we all stop to remember our country's heritage, history, struggle for independence -- and overindulgence in celebrating all that stuff.
However, among the many traditions we observe on this day, there are always a few quirks in the system that start to tell us that maybe this day is not going to go like the ideal 4th of July that we had been planning on enjoying this year; and so, in order to make you aware of some of the things beforehand that may indicate you probably should have stayed in bed until the 5th of July, I now present...
TOP
10 SIGNS YOU'RE HAVING A BAD 4TH OF JULY
10.) Those
soyburgers you're buying to throw on the grill just had a a 25
percent tariff slapped on them
9.) That
“rockets' red glare” from your neighbor's back yard has now
become a four alarmer forcing everyone on the block to evacuate
8.) Only
two groups showed up to march in your town's 4th of July
parade: the neo-Nazis and the Gay Pride Coalition
7.) You
spent the whole afternoon in our nations's capital trying to avoid getting
run over by tanks
6.) Judge
Brett Kavanaugh turned down the invitation to your picnic, so you're
hoping to God that P.J. and Squi show up with the beer
5.) The
guy you were betting on to win the Nathan's Coney Island hot dog
eating contest just threw it all up on your lap
4.) The
revolutionary war reenactment you went to see ended with the
colonists giving up
3.) The
nearest body of water you can take the family to to enjoy the day is
the Flint, Michigan reservoir
2.) After
all the partying and celebrating, just as your about to get cozy with
your special someone, your Roman candle fizzles out
AND
THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'RE HAVING A BAD 4TH OF JULY
Those
aren't fireworks exploding overhead, they're North Korean ICBMs
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