Friday, June 14, 2019

Sarah, We Hardly Heard The Truth From Ye

In the strange topsy-turvy world known as the Trump administration, one of the constants was that we could at least count on was that White House Press spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders would always be there to lie to us. But know in a dramatic turn of events, it seems she is even jumping ship and leaving her post at the end of the month.  

But when one speculates about so many reasons whey she could be leaving at this point, it turns out that there is not one single reason, but an aggregate of such which contributed to he decision to depart. So I turned to one of my White House sources. (the kid with the toy lawnmower that got his picture taken cutting the lawn with Trump standing over him offering him a MAGA hat if he did both the south and the north lawns), and found out what was really behind her decision. And therefore, it pleases me to now present you with the...

TOP 10 REASONS WHY SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS IS LEAVING THE WHITE HOUSE

10.) Trump told her that if she quit, he'd name a wall after her

9.) Finally will have the time to binge watch “Game Of Thrones” and see what all the hype is about

8.) Miffed that Mike Pence keeps telling her that she looks like she should undergo gay conversion therapy

7.) Her neighbors think she's married to Bernie Sanders and keep wondering when she'll start giving them free stuff

6.) Just found out that Donald Trump had a fling with a porn star on the leather couch in her office the other night

5.) Discovered that just as a practical joke Eric and Donald Jr. installed air jets underneath the press room podium

4.) When Trump decided to hold a White House staff beauty pageant, she came in second to Kellyanne Conway

3.) Was getting jealous of Donald and Ivanka's close relationship and wanted to go back to Arkansas to spend more time with daddy Mike

2.) Trump keeps referring to her as “The Princess of Whales”

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS IS LEAVING THE WHITE HOUSE...

Now she can tell the White House press corps what she REALLY thinks of them


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                     "Every weirdo in the world is on my wavelength."

-- Thomas Pynchon

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