Monday, April 23, 2018

The Comey Chronicles, Bizarro Edition

So last week when the notes that former FBI Director James Comey reportedly wrote after meeting with Donald Trump were leaked to the press and the public, we essentially learned all we needed to learn about what went on in that infamous meeting between the two of them, didn't we?... Didn't we?

Well, actually no. Evidently Comey was smart enough to hold one page of his notes back -- notes which could be the most damning of all for the Trump presidency. But thanks to my inside sources at the Federal Bureau of Investigation (the guy who sells hot dogs and soft drinks from a cart outside FBI headquarters -- try him, his prices are reasonable), I now have in my possession  a transcript of that final page, and you, my dear friends will be the first to see it. So without further delay (and with  a federal subpoena probably hanging over my head from this moment on), here are the 



TOP 10 NOTES JAMES COMEY WROTE AFTER MEETING WITH DONALD TRUMP

10.) Keeps an emergency McDonald's Happy Meal in his desk just in case of nuclear war

9.) Thought Rudy Giuliani was much more appealing as a woman

8.) Wondered if I happened to know any Playboy centerfold models or Russian hookers – said he was asking for a friend

7.) If you blow on his hair, you'll startle the family of grasshoppers living in it

6.) Said his favorite poem begins with “There was a young man from Nantucket”

5.) Told me his endearing pet nickname for Sean Hannity is “That lyin' sack of Irish potatoes”

4.) Kept asking me to check a suspicious discolored mole he had in a place where I didn't want to look

3.) Wondered if I could tell him where Syria was – said he was asking for a friend

2.) Knew all along that Obama was really born in Hawaii. Only said he was born in Kenya because Eric and Donald Jr. kept asking him where black people come from

AND THE NUMBER ONE NOTE JAMES COMEY WROTE AFTER MEETING WITH DONALD TRUMP...

Told me I could look forward to getting plenty of mentions in his future tweets

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                     "Every weirdo in the world is on my wavelength."


-- Thomas Pynchon


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