When (Bloodshot) Irish Eyes Are Smiling

As we look ahead to this weekend and all the revelry, debauchery and memory loss due to over-consumption of Gaelic spirits, one of the things we can thank the Irish for is that no matter how bleak or desperate their situation may be, they somehow manage to maintain their hopes of expectation; and call it what you will (the luck o' the Irish, positive thinking, or just waiting for Election Day November 2020), the Irish never stop believing that someday they'll find that pot of gold.  

However, for those of you who haven't yet had the time or the chance to look for that four-leaf clover (or maybe even that three-leaf plant -- a "pot" of another kind so to speak) that can start you on your journey, it might help to get a few clues as to when you've been suddenly blessed by the magic of old Eire. And so without further delay, I offer you the...

TOP 10 SIGNS THE LUCK O' THE IRISH IS WITH YOU

10.) In the last six months, you resigned as Roger Stone's: a. attorney/ b. publicist/ c. tattoo artist

9.) You're not on the list of 81 names that Congress wants to interview about Trump's business dealings

8.) You were finally able to figure out what all the crap that comes with your Peloton stationary bike is for

7.) You get a letter from Hyundai/Kia that says “Congratulations! You don't own a model that catches fire”

6.) You were able to hire Ann Coulter as a banshee to haunt your uncle's wake

5.) You're a gay black Muslim Honduran woman and yet Tucker Carlson has only nice things to say about you

4.) Brett Kavanaugh never showed up at your party so there's plenty of Guinness for everyone

3.) Your long stretch of unemployment is over – Kiim Jong Un just hired you to help rebuild his nuclear facility

2.) That massage parlor you went to in Jupiter, Florida turned out to really be a legitimate massage parlor

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN THE LUCK O' THE IRISH IS WITH YOU...

Trump just issued a proclamation designating March 17^th as “St. Patrick's Day!”

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                     "Every weirdo in the world is on my wavelength."

-- Thomas Pynchon