Memorial Day 2022. We all had such high hopes for this year that everything would turn around and we could look forward to our country getting back on the right path. After all, that's the way it always works out here in the USA, right?
Well, sadly maybe not -- at least not this year. With all the confusion, violence, misinformation, legal and political tussles and the cost of everything going sky high, it's no wonder we look upon our holidays this year with a certain degree of fear and trepidation. However, it's my intention to help try and cheer you up by letting you know that if none of the following things happen (or at least most of none of the following things), you've survived to celebrate another day. And so, dear friends, here are the...
TOP 10 SIGNS YOU'RE HAVING A BAD MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND
10.) AN ANGRY MOB JUST SHOWED UP AT YOUR FRONT DOOR AND TOLD YOU “WE'RE PRETENDING IT'S JANUARY 6 AND YOUR HOUSE IS THE CAPITOL”
9.) YOU HAD TO TAKE OUT A SECOND MORTGAGE IN ORDER TO BUY THAT RACK OF RIBS FOR YOUR COOKOUT ON MONDAY
8.) YOUR NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR JUST SENT HIS KIDS OVER TO SIPHON GASOLINE OUT OF YOUR TOYOTA HYBRID
7.) YOU'RE LESS WORRIED ABOUT RAIN SPOILING YOUR WEEKEND THAN YOU ARE ABOUT YOUR PARTY TENT BEING BROUGHT DOWN BY A COUPLE OF RUSSIAN MISSILES
6.) YOUR TOWN'S MEMORIAL DAY PARADE THIS YEAR CONSISTS ENTIRELY OF FIRST RESPONDERS PASSING OUT COVID HOME TESTS
5.) DUE TO BUDGET CUTS, THAT FLYOVER BY THE BLUE ANGELS DURING YOUR TOWN'S MEMORIAL DAY SERVICES WAS CANCELLED AND REPLACED BY ONE GUY DOING ACROBATICS ON A BIPLANE
4.) YOU WENT TO THE STORE TO PICK UP A BAG OF CHARCOAL AND WERE TRAMPLED BY A BUNCH OF NEW MOTHERS WHO HEARD THAT A SHIPMENT OF BABY FORMULA JUST ARRIVED
3.) THANKS TO INFLATION, THAT $39 MATTRESS YOU PLANNED ON BUYING HAS SHOT UP TO $598
2.) AT THE FAMILY PICNIC, YOU ACCIDENTALLY MENTION YOUR UNCLE WHO FLED TO CANADA DURING THE VIETNAM WAR
AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT WILL COMPLETELY RUIN YOUR MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND (AND DESERVEDLY SO)...
THE NRA JUST VOTED YOU ITS "MAN OF THE YEAR"
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