Face it, we've all been to parties that turned out to be real duds, but since each year brings with it its own set of circumstances and frame of reference, I find it helpful to be aware in advance of how to tell I'm stuck at a clunker. And so, for the second year in a row, and in an effort to help you get 2015 off to a reasonably sane start, I'm offering my own...
TOP 10 SIGNS YOU’RE AT A BAD NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY
10.) At 11:55 pm everyone decides to head over to Walmart to return the Christmas gifts they didn't like
9.) When you arrive for the White House party and discover you forgot your invitation, the Secret Service agents offer to let you jump the fence
8.) The first person you meet at the door heartily shakes your hand, gives you a hug and says “Hi! I just got back from West Africa!”
7.) You’re on your way to Nik Wallenda’s party when suddenly you realize what he meant when he told you “It’s just a short walk between buildings”
6.) You arrive at Donald Sterling's party just in time to hear him and Paula Deen sing a heartfelt rendition of “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas”
5.) One of the items on the finger food tray is Jose Canseco’s actual finger
4.) Everyone is standing around looking at their smartphones, waiting for their bootleg copy of “The Interview” to download
3.) You're so bored that you wish you were home watching “Hoda and Kathie Lee’s Drunken Toast To 2014”
2.) You’re at Dick Cheney’s party where he informs you that you're about to become the highlight of the evening’s “Enhanced Entertainment”
AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU’RE AT A BAD NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY…
It's at Bill Cosby’s place
(Happy New Year, everyone!)
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"Every weirdo in the world is on my wavelength."
-- Thomas Pynchon
