The (Un)Luck Of The Irish

Well, tonight's the one other night during the year when everyone gets to rationalize their own outrageous behavior to the rest of the world, with perhaps the possible exception of  a local magistrate.  I'm referring of course, to acting the way everyone believes an honest to good Irishman would behave on St. Patrick's Day. But then again, just like on New Year's Eve, there's always the chance that you end up at a party that turns out to be worse than binge watching a season of  KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS. So just to give you a few guidelines, I'm offering:

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'RE AT A BAD ST. PATRICK'S DAY PARTY

10) Mitch McConnell refuses to let the bartender you hired in the door

9) Everyone there is miserable since they've already been knocked out of their NCAA bracket pool

8)That stuff you're drinking that you thought was Guinness  turns out to be water from the Flint, Michigan reservoir

7) You've got strings of beads left over from Mardi Gras you want to give away but the only thing anyone is flashing at you is their butt

6) Every time you say the word “Shillelagh” someone accuses you of being a Muslim terrorist

5) You get stuck sitting at a table with Sister Mary Margaret, Sister Mary Bridget and Sister Mary Rose, and Sister Mary Rose has already hit you up for $150 in poker

 

4) Marco Rubio is going around shaking hands with everyone and saying "How you doing? I'm Mark O'Rubio"

 

3) Turns out the party you're at is all vegan – good luck choking down that corned tofu and cabbage

2) You'd rather be at home watching Ben Carson try to explain why he's endorsing Donald Trump

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'RE AT A BAD ST. PATRICK'S DAY PARTY...

The band keeps playing "When ISIS Eyes Are Smiling"

 

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"Every weirdo in the world is on my wavelength."

 

  

-- Thomas Pynchon