Well it's nearly here. the day football fans all over the country (and yes even those in Buffalo and Cleveland) have waited for: our annual march into frenzy and mayhem, all brought on by what has certainly outclassed itself as just another sporting event. And I'm sure one way or another, anyone who spends half a day tomorrow will probably think that at least some of it was worth giving up 12 hours of your life for.
On the other hand, for those of you who are either invited to or are planning on hosting your own party to celebrate what has de facto become the fourth biggest holiday in our nation now may discover that there are a few tipoffs (no basketball pun intended) that the party you're at may not be all that. So to help you discern whether or not you can expect to have a good time wherever you spend the day watching the Pats and the Falcons, here are the
TOP TEN THINGS YOU PROBABLY DON'T WANT
TO HEAR AT YOUR SUPER BOWL PARTY
10.) “Welcome to our annual Super
Bowl party! The seating arrangements are: liberals on the left,
conservatives on the right – whoops, wait, these were the
instructions for the debates”
9.) “Honey, guess what? I just found
the cable bill I thought I lost and never paid. Maybe that's why the
picture suddenly went dark”
8.) “The place I got the wings from
were out of the regular ones, so they gave me these. Besides, they
told me bat wings are just as healthy to eat”
7.) “Hey I just thought of something.
Every time Joe Buck and Troy Aikman cast longing glances at each
other – drink!”
6.) “Gee, all this great food. But
since I'm on a special diet, you got anything with tofu?"
5.) “Jim, your mother's on the phone.
She's wondering why you haven't called her lately. Here, talk to her”
4.) ”So you're saying the quarterback
is the guy who throws the ball and the receiver is the one who
catches it. Well then, what do all the other guys do?"
3.) “Hey! Why are these wings so
black and leathery?"
2.) "Thank God it's over. Now our
country can get back to some semblance of sanity”
AND THE NUMBER ONE THING YOU PROBABLY
DON'T WANT TO HEAR AT YOUR SUPER BOWL PARTY...
1.) “This game is boring. Why don't
we hit my son's room and fire up his Madden 2016?”
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"Every weirdo in the world is on my wavelength."
-- Thomas Pynchon
