Humpty Trumpty Sat On His Wall...

It seems as though lately Donald Trump's efforts to find a source for paying for his wall has run into a few dead ends. Mexico refuses to pay for it, money for it wasn't written into this year's spending bill and the notion he has to get the military to fork over $35 billion isn't sitting too well with Congress. So in order to solve this problem, The Donald has  had to do some creative thinking, and due to my inside contacts at the White House (the guy I met the other day who was throwing his ice cream wrapper over the fence on Pennsylvania Ave.), I've learned that Donald has come up with a list of the...

TOP 10 IDEAS TRUMP HAS FOR WHO'S GOING TO PAY FOR THE WALL

10.) Prince Harry and Megan's wedding guests

9.) Kim Jung Un

8.) Stormy Daniels

7.)  “Crooked Hillary”

6.) Robert Mueller

5.) Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer and every attorney he's had who's quit on him

4.) Rosie O'Donnell

3.) Eric and Donald Jr.'s piggy banks

2.) The last graduating class from Trump University

AND THE NUMBER ONE IDEA TRUMP HAS FOR WHO'S GOING TO PAY FOR THE WALL...

Everyone one who bought a “MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN” baseball cap

************************************************************* 

"Every weirdo in the world is on my wavelength."

-- Thomas Pynchon

The Luck O' The Irish to Ya (And Save Some For Me)

I thought that since there's been so much bad news in the world lately that I might try turning the tables a little bit for St. Patrick's Day and see what I could come up with to feel good about; and what better way to do it than by trying to bring a little Irish luck to us all this year? so put away all those bad gloom and doom feelings about our world and our country, raise a glass of Jameson's and enjoy reading the...

TOP 10 SIGNS YOU'RE HAVING THE LUCK O' THE IRISH

10.) Your name is Stormy Daniels and you just found a pot of gold worth $130,000

9.) Kim Jung Un promises not to launch a nuclear strike against you until after St. Patrick's Day or you meet face to face, whichever comes first

8.) A Russian spy, insead of spraying you with a nerve agent, sprinkles you with a bowlful of Lucky Charms

7.) Trump just waived the tariff on anything colored green

6.) The space guy in the Tesla Roadster radios that he's reached Heaven and guess what? They have Guinness there too!

5.) You're on a tour of Ireland with your soulmate and you discover it's true love when she kisses you on the Dingle Peninsula, and you nuzzle her betwixt the Hills of Tipperary

4.) Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway came back to your awards show, and this year they got it right

3.) That drag queen you just met who's dressed as a Cher impersonator turns out to really be Cher

2.) Sarah Huckabee Sanders starts adding the phrase “But he really just makes most things up” to all her responses

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'RE HAVING THE LUCK O' THE IRISH...

Donald Trump hasn't tweeted anything about you yet

************************************************************* 

"Every weirdo in the world is on my wavelength."

-- Thomas Pynchon