But what about Donald? As he makes his last climb up the stairs aboard Air Force One (see photo), what does he have planned for his future now that he'll have a lot of time on his hands? Oh sure, you'll probably say he'll be playing a lot of golf, traveling around the world or partying with porn stars and Scott Baio. But I happen to know via a reliable source (the assistant to the assistant to the pool boy at Mar a Lago) how he's really planning on using all that available life of leisure. And so, as a public service, here are the ...
TOP 10 THINGS TRUMP MIGHT DECIDE TO DO NOW THAT HE'S OUT OF OFFICE
10.) Release his health care plan
9.) Buy Greenland (if the Russians will give him a loan)
8.) Join a 12-Step group: P***ygrabbers Anonymous
7.) Start a new business called “Pardons 'R' Us”
6.) Make a once a week visit to the Donald J. Trump Memorial KFC
5.) Try to find Eric an orthodontist and a girlfriend
4.) Claim Rudy Giuliani found millions of uncounted votes for him stashed in an adult bookstore in Philadelphia
3.) Make incessant phone calls to Joe Biden asking him if he'd like any advice on running the country
2.) Divorce Melania, marry Ivanka
AND THE NUMBER ONE THING TRUMP MIGHT DECIDE TO DO NOW THAT HE'S OUT OF OFFICE...
Take a part-time job working the assembly line at the My Pillow factory
