Every year we like to take some time right in the middle of our Lenten period of sacrifice and piety to raise a little hell, and St. Patrick's Day is the perfect excuse for doing so. But this year, of course, With the health crisis looming over us, in order to even observe the day at all, we obviously all have to adjust and prepare for the unexpected. With that precaution in mind, I thought it might be a good idea to point out some of the adjustments we may have to make or things to take into consideration when preparing for the wearing o' the green this year. And so, to try and help you to make it through the day tomorrow, I present...
TOP 10 THINGS THAT WILL AFFECT YOUR ST. PATRICK'S DAY OBSERVANCE
10.) That corned beef and cabbage you bought at the public market for your St. Patrick's Day dinner is suddenly starting to not look so good
9.) The
only thing you've got left to wash your hands with is a bottle of
Jameson's
8.) Turner
Classic Movies just changed their St. Patrick's Day schedule from
showing “The Quiet Man” to “Dead Man Walking”
7.) You've
already started thinking “Easter eggs or no Easter eggs?”
6.) Your
local St. Patrick's Day parade consists of a guy in a leprechaun
suit driving down Main Street in a green Ford Pinto with the windows
and doors sealed shut
5.) The
Irish band you hired to perform shows up wearing hazmat suits
4.) You
go to visit your local Irish priest, Father O'Dooley to ask for a
blessing and he refuses to open the door unless you can prove you've
been tested
3.) Your
earworm Irish song for the day is “Who Put The Coronavirus In Mrs.
Murphy's Chowder?”
2.) You
turn on the TV just in time to see Jerry Springer doing a St.
Paddy's Day special from a supermarket
You just traded 12 cases of Guinness for a roll of toilet paper
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"Every weirdo in the world is on my wavelength."
-- Thomas Pynchon
