In this age of huge mega-mergers and surprising corporate acquisitions, the most recent high profile one seems to be the most unsettling.
Yes, despite the Time Warner-Charter deal, Bayer buying Monsanto, and your favorite little corner neighborhood drugstore being swallowed up by Walgreen's, more people are expressing dismay about the Amazon-Whole Foods merger than any other. So just to prepare you for what changes you might expect from both companies once the whole transaction goes through, here are:
TOP 10 THINGS THAT YOU'LL NOTICE ABOUT
THE AMAZON-WHOLE FOODS MERGER
10.) One wheel on your virtual
shopping cart keeps locking up
9.) You can now purchase a gluten-free
Kindle
8.) Whenever you call Amazon Customer
Service to resolve a problem, you get a message that says “Please
be at peace and hold the line. All operators are currently on a juice cleanse"
7.) You just found out that 60' HD
flat screen TV you ordered is on sale for $150 less at Trader Joe's
6.) The Amazon drone delivering your expensive order of organic guacamole keeps crashing into your garage door
5.) You open up that laptop you just
had delivered to find it's growing sprouts
4.) All multi-grain breads sold
after July 1, 2017 will come with a free upgrade to Windows 10
3.) Amazon credit card customers will now be able
to pay off their accounts in Himalayan Goji Berries
2.) Every time you ask your Amazon
Alexa a question, it responds with “You can find the answer at
Whole Foods”
AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU'LL NOTICE ABOUT THE AMAZON-WHOLE FOODS MERGER...
Buy a book, get
a mango!
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"Every weirdo in the world is on my wavelength."
-- Thomas Pynchon
