Halloween: What to Wear, What to Wear

So once again the year has rolled around to that time where we see more  ghosts and phantoms than we used to get with bad over the air TV reception. A time where we're all free to let out our inner child and pick a costume which allows us to act out any character or alternate personality we have hidden deep within our souls.

But as Brom Bones said to Ichabod crane, Beware!  Should you decide to attend a celebration of the evening wearing something that some would think was not socially acceptable or was even totally objectionable, you might not only not win the best costume contest, you might get kicked out of the party altogether. And so, just as a precaution, I present the: 

TOP 10 PERSONS YOU DON'T WANT TO DRESS UP AS ON HALLOWEEN...

10.) The Devil Wears Walmart

9.) Kim Jong Runt

8.) Tool Time Matt

7.) Sean Spicey

6.) Balloon Boy

5.) Wicked Witch of the West Wing

4.) Dr. Sadisticus

3. Chicken-white Man

 

2.) Tweedledum and Tweedledumber

AND THE NUMBER ONE PERSON YOU DON'T WANT TO DRESS UP AS ON HALLOWEEN...

Rudy Ghouliani

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"Every weirdo in the world is on my wavelength."

-- Thomas Pynchon

Good-bye, Columbus

Yes, it's once again upon us -- the most controversial of holidays. Most businesses can't even decide whether or not to let their employees have the day off; but aside from that aspect, over the years, Columbus Day has seen a grey cloud overshadow it as we discover more about who the man was and how his voyages affected history.

However, we can still make the best of the day and enjoy what free time and/or leisure activities we can engage in -- except there are always those things that like any other holiday, can turn what you hope may be a positive experience into a dud.  So in order to  keep you on the lookout for such possibilities (and searching for land ahead so to speak), here are the...

TOP 10 SIGNS YOU'RE HAVING A BAD COLUMBUS DAY

10.) You just found out that $39 mattress you bought at the Columbus Day sale has a delivery charge of $80

9.) That Native American family who just moved in down the street give you suspiciously menacing smiles every time you walk by their house

8.) Your hard of hearing neighbor invites you to come over and binge watch a '70s detective series with him in honor of it being Columbo's Day

7.) You just heard that the city of Columbus, OH voted to change its name to Geronimo

6.) Your town's Columbus Day parade keeps being interrupted by the town's drunken Irish who are still celebrating “Halfway to St. Patrick's Day”

5.) Your wife decides to serve you a special dinner like the one Columbus and his crew must have had when they first landed: seaweed, turtle eggs and raw fish  

4.) Some guy just ran into your front yard, planted a flag and yelled "I claim this land for the King of Spain!"

3.) Your eight-year-old comes home from school and tells you the teacher told the class that when Columbus landed in the new world the first people he met were some old Jews living in Miami Beach

2.) It's 1492, you're living on an island in the Caribbean and you suddenly see three ships approaching -- Uh-oh!

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'RE HAVING A BAD COLUMBUS DAY...

You just realized there are only 70 more shopping days until Christmas – Gaaaah!

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"Every weirdo in the world is on my wavelength."

-- Thomas Pynchon