Mixed in among all the chaos of the past three weeks with the firing of James Comey, and the laff-a-minute daily revelations about something else, one thing has been overlooked. Now that Comey's gone, who's going to run the FBI?
Well, my own personal sources (those voices in my head) have revealed a few people who are at the top of Donald Trump's list, although like everything else he does, there's no rhyme or reason to them and he'll probably pop his choice on us as a surprise in a 5:00 am tweet.
At any rate, at the risk of leaking highly classified information (which everybody seems to be doing these days), here's what I've found out about Trump's top choices for a new FBI director, along with his thoughts about why they made the list. So without further delay, I now present...
DONALD TRUMP'S TOP 10 CHOICES FOR A NEW FBI DIRECTOR
10.)
Sean Spicer ("Nice guy, good man, loves gardening and landscaping")
9.)
Tim Allen ("Love his show, watch it all the time, just like me he's surrounded by beautiful women including his daughters, who I'd like to date")
8.)
Frederick Douglass ("He's been getting a lot of good mention lately and -- what do you mean he's dead?")
7.)
Kojak ("A real law and order -- what? He's dead too?!")
6.)
Bill O'Reilly ("A man after my own heart")
5.)
Chris Christie ("He's been pestering me to give him a job for months and I thought this might be a way to finally get rid of him")
4.)
Regis Philbin ("A fellow New Yorker, if he can make it there he can make it anywhere, including doing a great job of representing my administration in personal appearances at mid-western grain elevators")
3.)
Billy Bush ("No comment")
2.)
Vladimir Putin ("My good friend Vladi whom I've never met, but I hear that he can say to people "Your fired!" and not have the fake liberal media get mad at him")
AND DONALD TRUMP'S NUMBER ONE CHOICE FOR A NEW FBI DIRECTOR...
("Because the FBI is a mess and I'm the only one who knows how to fix it")
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"Every weirdo in the world is on my wavelength."
-- Thomas Pynchon
