Sorry, Charlie

A rumor started to spread a couple of weeks ago that Queen Elizabeth, in an effort to more closely endear the royal family to its subjects and to preserve her own reputation as still being a "with it" monarch (in her own head at least), had decided to announce that her grandson Prince William would succeed her on the throne, thereby  completely bypassing her son  Prince Charles, who in the order of royal succession, would normally be next in line.

As it was, the story turned out  not to be true, but it gets one thinking about what would be going through Charles' mind if it actually DID happen and how he would react to such an unprecedented situation: anger, frustration, or the chance to look upon it as unexpected opportunity? So once I decided to put myself inside the royal princely brain, I came up with the... 

TOP 10 THINGS PRINCE CHARLES MIGHT SAY IF HE WERE SKIPPED OVER AS KING

10.) “So I take it this means they'll be melting down my statue at Tussaud's?”

9.) “But Mummy, you always told me your favorite TV show was 'Charles In Charge'”

8) “Well I heard they're looking for a new James Bond. I wonder if they could use one with big ears who snivels a lot?”


7.) “And may I ask then, exactly WHAT throne did you plan on me sitting on for the rest of my natural life?”

6.) “Hello, Donald? It's Charles. I wonder if I might ask you for some tips on how to keep your – what's that? You've got an opening?”


5.) “Well if I can't be king, can I at least be queen? I mean I really don't mind wearing Spanx and a tiara”

4.) “Damn, you accidentally lock your mother out of the palace and she never lets you forget it”

3.) "Even my Willie's giving me the Royal Shaft"


2.) “But Mummy, if it's a choice between having either a horse's face or a horse's ass on the throne, then obviously either way I'm your man!"

AND THE NUMBER ONE THING PRINCE CHARLES MIGHT SAY IF HE WERE SKIPPED OVER AS KING...

         “Welcome to the Tower of London. My name is Charles and I'll be 
         your tour guide today”

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"Every weirdo in the world is on my wavelength."

-- Thomas Pynchon

Spicey, We Hardly Knew Ye (Thank God)

You really have to feel for Sean Spicer these days.  If he'd only stuck it out maybe another week or two, He'd probably still have his job once "The Mooch" was given the heave-ho. But we all make life decisions that we may or may not regret later, and the best thing is just to move on. 

However, given what we've learned about Mr. Spicer over the past six months, his background, experience, mindset and his personality, now that he does have to find new employment, there are a few career opportunities that for one reason or another, we probably won't hear about him pursuing. And with that in mind, here are...

TOP 10 JOBS SEAN SPICER PROBABLY WON'T BE TAKING

10.) Abercrombie & Fitch Catalogue Model

9.) Motivational Speaker at self-esteem seminars

8.) Public Relations Executive for Takata Airbags

7.) Walmart Greeter (“Lady, I can neither confirm or deny that we have, ever have had or ever will have that item in our store – stop shaking your head”)

6.) Suicide Prevention Hotline Operator

5.) Co-author of a book with Reince Priebus titled “Your Coworkers Can Be Your Friends!”

4.) Maitre D' at any restaurant patronized by Anthony Scaramucci

3.) Melissa McCarthy impersonator

2.) Personal groomer/walker for Donald Trump's hair 

AND THE NUMBER ONE JOB SEAN SPICER PROBABLY WON'T BE TAKING...

“Hey, kid – Easter Bunny this!”

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"Every weirdo in the world is on my wavelength."

-- Thomas Pynchon