Top 10 Things You Don't Want To Hear When You Go In For An Angiogram

This has been an interesting year for me, health-wise. In March, I underwent a hip replacement (see my blog post about it here), and spent a good portion of the year afterwards recovering and rehabbing, rebuilding strength in my hip and leg with exercises and walking, which I tried to maintain on a regular basis until the cold weather set in this past autumn.

My laying off the exercise started to have its effect though, since after Thanksgiving I discovered I had put on a few extra pounds, so I started back on the walking regimen again. It was then that I began to experience some tightness and discomfort in my chest during my strolls.

A previous angiogram several years ago had turned up an artery that was partially blocked but not so badly that there was any major concern at the time. However this time, even though the tests revealed no significant changes, based on my symptoms, my doctor felt that another angiogram was in order just to be safe before it became an emergency situation. So the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day, I spent two days in the hospital undergoing the procedure, and a stent was implanted in the troublesome artery via a catheter inserted through my right wrist. (Modern medical nanotechnology is truly incredible.) Went home the next day and I’m fine -- thanks for asking!

Unfortunately, any time you’re in the hospital, as caring and reassuring as hospital staff try to be, there are always a few things you might hear -- or overhear -- that would tend to give you pause, if not downright concern. And so, just to prepare you in case you may eventually be facing the same situation I went through sometime in your own future, I thought I’d offer:

TOP 10 THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR WHEN YOU GO IN FOR AN ANGIOGRAM

10) ”Hi, I’ll be doing the procedure, and I don’t mind telling you right up front that I faint at the sight of blood.”

9) “Hey, wanna have some fun? Let’s sever this here and reconnect it over there and see what happens!”

8) “Obamacare, Oshmamacare! Lie still!”

7) “Oh, I’m an old hand at this sort of thing -- I used to work for Roto Rooter.”

6) “You know, you were that close to me having to make a choice between not saving you and missing Dr. Phil.”

5) “Yeah, I know we were supposed to be aiming for the heart -- but I think we just hit his appendix.”

4) “Boy, I’ve seen some f***ed-up arteries in my life, but this one’s a Hall of Famer!”

3) “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. We learned how to do this by watching videos on YouTube.”

2) “Mr. Quigley, have you ever given any thought to becoming an organ donor -- and we need an answer immediately!"

AND THE NUMBER ONE THING YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR WHEN YOU GO IN FOR AN ANGIOGRAM…

“Don‘t even think about hitting on the night nurse -- her boyfriend‘s a cop.”

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  "Every weirdo in the world is on my wavelength."

                      -- Thomas Pynchon