Did Her Majesty Really Just Say That?

Now that all the pomp, circumstance and nonsense is past over the Queen's 60th anniversary jubilee, and with a week's perspective between it and us, I thought it might be a good time to review some of the pictures that appeared of the royal family on the balcony at Buckingham Palace and try and determine what they were REALLY  saying and thinking during the proceedings. And so, based on some reliable sources (those voices in my head) I decided to offer you what I expect was transpiring while we were all watching and being dazzled by the whole affair:

ELIZABETH: "How much longer must we stand out here?  My Spanx are beginning to sweat!"

CHARLES; "Look, Camilla, I believe I've just spotted Sir Nigel Tittlewood-Plinth -- of the  Shropshire Tittlewood-Plinths."

CAMILLA: "Oh, Charles  do ask him to come up here and join us, and we can all wave to the riff-raff."

WILLIAM: "Look, Kate, there's that idiot polo friend of my father's, Sir Nigel Tittlewood-Plinth. I hope he's not coming up here.  The man always smells like a horse."

ELIZABETH: "Camilla dear, let me show you the proper way to do the royal wave.  You simply hold your hand erect and then just keep repeating to yourself  'Twist the wrist... Twist the wrist... Twist the wrist...'"

HARRY (to himself): "Well, here I am, the only man standing on this balcony without a woman on my arm. How gay is that?"

ELIZABETH: "Charles, I do wish you would please refrain from putting your hands in your pockets and fiddling with your bits and pieces."

CHARLES:"But Mummy -- "

ELIZABETH: "Enough, I say! It's a nasty habit and terribly unbecoming for an heir to the throne."

CHARLES: "Yes, Mummy.  Hands out of the pockets."

WILLIAM: "Well, Grandmum, it's been a little over a year now since the wedding. What do you think of my wife?"

ELIZABETH: "I think she's a lovely girl, William. But for the sake of your progeny, I still have my misgivings that she's far too narrow in the hips."

KATE (to Harry):  "You mean to tell me that there's eight hundred rooms in this palace and not a single loo on this side of the building?  Good lord, when is this family going to find its way into the 20th century?"

 

 CHARLES: "Camilla, how much longer must we stand out here?  My Spanx are beginning to sweat!"

ELIZABETH: "Charles, isn't that your friend Sir Nigel Tittlewood-Plinth?  For some strange reason, the man always reminds me of being at the Epsom Derby!"

CHARLES: "Look at that amazing sight, Mummy!  An absolutely stupendous flyover by the RAF!"

ELIZABETH: "Yes, I certainly do think -- wait, that isn't the RAF... It's a squadron of Luftwaffe!... Quick! Everyone head for the bunker! INCOMING!"

HARRY: "Is it just me, or do we all seem to be getting smaller?"

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"Every weirdo in the world is on my wavelength."

-- Thomas Pynchon