Super Blahs

Ah, it's finally here. Super Bowl LVI. (56 for those of you who skipped out on Latin class in high school.) And regardless of whether it's at some corner sports bar where everybody knows your name or in an elegant penthouse suite somewhere in the stratosphere where you're mingling with the mighty, rich and famous, you're ready to make the most of the day, from your online parlays to hopefully cheering for your favorite team who's made it this far. Nothing can go wrong.

Or can it?  Once you show up at your Super Soiree, it should soon become apparent from what's going on around you that you're not going to have the fun evening you expected to have. Little things will start to happen that let you know that this is not the evening of raucous fun, team spirit and raw energy you were planning on indulging in. And so, to prepare you for that  possibility and give you some clues as to where the evening may be headed, I'm offering the:

TOP 10 SIGNS YOU'RE AT A BAD SUPER BOWL PARTY

10.) The Buffalo wings still have all their feathers attached

9.) First prize in the party's Super Bowl pool is a year's supply of Ivermectin 

8.) Miley Cyrus' top just fell off into the guacamole dip

7) Donald Trump is wandering around muttering “It's rigged, we all know it's rigged” and you don't know whether he's talking about the game or still talking about the election

6.) A Buffalo Bills fan just jumped on the buffet table, smashing it to pieces

5.) Someone keeps switching the big-screen TV over to NBC Peacock to watch the Olympic pairs ice dancing competition

4.) People start leaving to head for what they hear is a really good Super Bowl party at Denny's

3.) Snoop Dogg stops by before the halftime show to do a joint, filling the room with smoke and causing everyone to get so high that they completely forget why they're partying

2.) Matt Gaetz suggests that you and he cut out early and go looking for some underaged cheerleaders

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'RE AT A BAD SUPER BOWL PARTY

Tom Brady is trying to deflate the cheese balls

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"Every weirdo in the world is on my wavelength."

  -- Thomas Pynchon