Giving Thanks (Or Maybe Not)

So we've finally come around another year to Thanksgiving 2023, and everything seems to be on an upward trend. The economy is good, with major strikes settled people are working again and we've got more to be grateful for this year than we have in quite some time. It's all sunshine, candied yams and rainbows (with a side of chestnut dressing).

But wait just a second. That sunshine can suddenly be obscured by a dark cloud if something unexpected should happen on this special day of joy and thanks; and while it might not ruin the celebration, it can make you feel  just uneasy enough that you start thinking, "Well, maybe I'll have to wait until next year for the perfect Thanksgiving." And so, as an advance warning about some of the things that may give you a migraine on Thursday,  here's  a heads up on the...

TOP 10 SIGNS YOU'RE HAVING A BAD THANKSGIVING

10.) A judge just fined you $25,000 for violating your gag order and badmouthing his chef

9.) That big screen TV you ordered through Amazon Prime and have been waiting the whole week for shows up just in time for you to miss watching all three Thanksgiving Day football games

8.) Rudy Giuliani offers to brush the turkey with some hair dye “just to give it a little bit more color”

7.) A family of out of town relatives drives over the river and through the woods and straight through your high tech newly remodeled kitchen

6.) Ron DeSantis asks you if you have any old phone books he can put on his chair so when he sits in it, he can see over the top of the table

5.) You're at the Republican Presidential Candidate Thanksgiving dinner where Vivek Ramaswamy keeps accusing Nikki Haley's daughter of taking too much time with the green bean casserole

4.) You decide to start your holiday shopping early by going online and a Chinese ransomware program locks your computer

3.) George Santos brings a turkey bloated with botox – and then asks you to pay for it

2.) You're forced to sit next to Lauren Boebert and she keeps groping your giblets under the table

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'RE HAVING A BAD THANKSGIVING...

Your MAGA Trump supporter uncle falls asleep during dinner, making this the most boring Thanksgiving ever

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"Every weirdo in the world is on my wavelength."

  -- Thomas Pynchon