With the new NFL season now only a little more than 24 hours away and with the game's popularity seemingly increasing logarithmically on a year to year basis, I started thinking about some remarks that NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell made a year or so ago concerning the league expanding beyond the boundaries of the North American continent, and he mentioned London specifically as one place they would be considering.
- Oh sure, they had a team there when NFL Europe was in operation, but that was pretty much a developmental league, like Major League Baseball's Triple A minor league affiliation. This team would be playing with the big boys, meaning Londoners would be treated to seeing such stars ast Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Adrian Peterson, Brian Urlacher, Donovan McNabb and others playing in their house, on their turf, on a regular basis.
- But the more I thought about it, I wondered if bringing an NFL team to London might just be a little too much for the old established culture and tradition of that country to deal with, and started to think about some possible changes we may see in any American football game that's played on the hallowed pitch at Wembley. For instance:
- (1) The halftime show would always be a marathon rock concert for the benefit of The Prince's Charitable Trust Foundation, meaning not only will halftimes last longer than the snooze fests at the Super Bowl, but fans will have to put up with seeing Charles and Camilla gazing snootily down at them from the Royal Box at every home game (almost as bad as seeing Jerry Jones or Al Davis doing the same thing).
- (2) Before the game, everyone stands to sing "God Save The Queen". However, if the London team is playing Cincinnati or Oakland that week, after the game, a lot of players on those rosters may actually be in need of receiving pardons BY The Queen.
- (3) Infractions and penalties will be dealt with within the time-honored framework of the British judicial system, meaning the punishment for an Unsportsmanlike Conduct penalty "is hereby changed to 15 yards and a fortnight in The Tower."
- (4) In a related modification, the rule regarding coaches' challenges will continue as before. However, before the result of a play can be overruled, it must be put to a vote in the House of Commons (as if those damn instant replay delays aren't already long enough!).
- (5) Protective mouthpieces will be optional.
- (6) After a win, they always play a video of Churchill proclaiming "This was their finest hour!" – After a loss, they always play a video of Chamberlain turning Czechoslovakia over to the Nazis.
- (7) On the plus side as far as the NFL Players Association is concerned, an expansion team in London means additional opportunities for marginal and older players, so we can expect to hear a lot of “Your attention please! -- Now playing quarterback: Number Four, Brett Favre!"
- (8) The new team in London is surprisingly successful against the Redskins, Chiefs and Buccaneers – but call it karma if you wish, they just don't seem to be able to beat the Vikings or the Patriots.
- So.... Are you ready for some football, bangers and mash?
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- "Every weirdo in the world is on my wavelength."
- -- Thomas Pynchon
:-)
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