FRASIER Lives! -- Pass It On...

Thought I'd take a break this week from coming up with something new and fresh (if not necessarily entertaining) and  give you a sample of what I spent almost 10 years in Los Angeles trying to accomplish.

Now, understand that the level of talent and competition in the TV industry is far higher than most people realize despite the trash that a lot of times currently passes for network primetime television these days -- believe me, I know some topflight writers and performers who have written for, produced and starred in major hit sitcoms. And ultimately, it wasn't surprising that the opportunities that come along for anyone aspiring to write for TV are few and far between, and in my case didn't quite pan out as I had hoped they would.

But I  still wanted to post this  not only as an example of where one of my major interests continues to lie, but also as an example of what anyone who reads it and is also a writer can use as a fun exercise.

The following is a teaser from a spec FRASIER script I wrote back sometime in the early to mid-90's; and as teasers go I think it does what it's supposed to do: get the show off to a lighthearted start, grab the viewer's interest, and provide a few good jokes within its short timeframe.  (Oh, and for those of you who aren't sure what a teaser is, it's the beginning scene of a show that the opening credits are run over).

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FADE IN:

INT. RADIO BOOTH - DAY

FRASIER IS AT HIS DESK. ROZ IS IN THE CONTROL BOOTH.

                                FRASIER
               
                 (INTO MIKE) ...And remember, for the
 
                 finest in car care, it's Dr. Tire,
   
                 Seattle's  four-star, full-service

                 independent auto center.

HE SWITCHES OFF HIS MIKE.

                               FRASIER  (CONT'D)

                 Not to mention one of the biggest liars

                 and schlock artists by whom I've ever

                 had the pleasure  of being gouged out

                 of twenty-five hundred dollars.

ROZ SHOOTS HIM A LOOK THROUGH THE GLASS.  FRASIER TURNS
HIS MIKE BACK ON.

                              FRASIER  (CONT'D)

                 (INTO MIKE) So if your car's condition

                 is critical, see Dr. Tire -- stat! 

                 (REACTING TO THE INANE COPY) Who's

                 next, Roz?

                              ROZ

                 Next we have Jerry from Bremerton,

                 who is having difficulty being honest

                 with people.

                              FRASIER

                 How timely.  And appropriate.  Go ahead,

                 Jerry.  I'm listening.

                              CALLER  (JERRY, OVER PHONE)

                 Dr. Crane, I don't really know 
 
                 how to say it.  I just can't come

                 clean with some people.

                              FRASIER

                 Tell me, Jerry, would you happen to

                 be in, say, the auto repair busness?

                              CALLER

                 Excuse me?

                              FRASIER

                 I'm sorry.  The very fact that you're

                 admitting you have a problem is a first

                 step towards dealing with it.  A very

                 big step. Now, what exactly aren't

                 you coming clean with?

                              CALLER

                 You name it.  Job, finances, marriage.

                 Where do you want me to start?

                              FRASIER

                 Well, where do you want to start?

                              CALLER

                 Well, how about the fact that Jerry 

                 isn't my real name? It's Ralph.

                              FRASIER

                 There, that wasn't so hard, was it?

                              CALLER

                 Actually, it isn't Ralph.  It's Henry.

                              FRASIER

                 Well, all right, you just may be a

                 little  --

                              CALLER

                 Actually, it's not Henry, it's William. 

                 And I'm from  Renton, not Bremerton.

A SHORT PAUSE, THEN:

                              FRASIER

                  Roz, could we get some referrals for

                  Jerry?  Or whoever he thinks he is.

                  Perhaps an appointment with Dr. Tire?

AND WE:

                                                  DISSOLVE TO:

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Hope you enjoyed it.  Just for a fun creative writing exercise, try taking your favorite TV show (preferably a sitcom, but drama shows work too) and write a teaser for it.  See how close you can come to the tone and  the personalities of the characters -- and see how quickly you can get a joke in and get to the point of the scene (this one ran 2 1/2 typewritten pages in standard sitcom format, by the way).

In the future I'll try to post a few more  examples of this kind of stuff.

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"Every weirdo in the world is on my wavelength."

-- Thomas Pynchon