Good-Bye To 2017, Hello To -- Do I Even Want To Know?

It's said that we are shaped in part by both our life experiences and what goes on in the larger world around us.  If that's the case, then should you have the occasion to be invited somewhere to ring out the old year and ring in the new, you may find that national and world events will have an effect on any party you attend this year, which may or may not leave a bad taste in your champagne-numbed mouth; so in order that you may be forewarned before venturing out tomorrow night to celebrate in the grand old style, here are a few thing to be aware of if you want to judge how the evening is going...

TOP 10 SIGNS YOU'RE AT A BAD NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTY

10.) Chris Christie is spotted stuffing jumbo shrimp into his pockets

9.) You run into Kellyanne Conway, Sarah Huckabee Sanders and Ann Coulter – and Ann Coulter is the normal one

8.) You're at her majesty Queen Elizabeth's proper and formal party when Harry and Megan burst in and shout “Surprise! We eloped!”

7.) You're the only one there not wearing an outfit from The Ivanka Collection

6.) To fight the freezing temps in Time Square, Ryan Seacrest offers to let you borrow his best set of thermal underwear – after he takes it off

5.) Your hosts Christina and Tarek El Moussa start arguing over who should get the noisemakers and party hats in the divorce settlement

4.) The only other three people to show up are Charlie Rose, Matt Lauer and Bill O'Reilly

3.) You arrive at the Kim Kardashian party to find no one has yet left last year's Kim Kardashian party

2.) At the White House party, instead of “Auld Lang Syne”, the band plays “The Volga Boatman”

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'RE AT A BAD NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTY...

Your invitation to Robert Mueller's bash comes with a subpoena

Happy New Year, everyone!

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"Every weirdo in the world is on my wavelength."

-- Thomas Pynchon